Average Matt reviews HAPPY FEET

Loyal Cinebanter listeners know that I am all about the kids' movies these days. Thanks to the presence of a soon-to-be-9-year-old and soon-to-be-5-year-old in Casa Average, I have seen most every kids movie that's been released since about 2001. I think the only one I missed was SHREK 2.

So, it's with some sense of authority that I suggest ... no, I plead with you to NOT go see HAPPY FEET. Here's why:

1) It's boring. It's a bad cross between GREASE and the aforementioned MARCH OF THE PENGUINS. Whoever thought 109 minutes of animated penguins telling a story through song and dance was a good idea shouldn't be allowed within 75 miles of the Hollywood sign ever again.

2) It's dumb. Here's the plot outline:

Into the world of the Emperor Penguins, who find their soul mates through song, a penguin is born who cannot sing. But he can tap dance something fierce!

YAWN. Meanwhile, the story tries to address things like broken families, father-son relationships (which I'm usually a sucker for), the environment, how zoos are bad, and how fishing is bad -- and ends up saying nothing about all of the above. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Save the politics for some other time....

3) It's possibly the scariest kids' movie I've ever seen. There were two chase scenes that literally had me jumping in my seat at the theater. The killer whales trying to attack "Mumble," our protagonist, were beyond scary visually, and the sound effects were utterly frightening -- way too intense and way too loud for sub-10 year olds.

So, please stay home. Watch MARCH OF THE PENGUINS, instead. That was cool. And educational. But don't tell your kids about the educational part.

HAPPY FEET gets 4 stars (out of 10). Skip it.

This has been another Average Matt movie review on Cinebanter.....